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Special : American Presidential Elections
BILL CLINTON, AMERICA’S FIRST BLACKFACE PRESIDENT, SLAMS UPSTART OBAMA
By Max Cafard
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How could anyone question Hillary Clinton’s commitment to Black people ? After all, she married a Black man : Our First Black President, Bill Clinton.

Poor deluded Barack Obama thinks that just because one of his parents was African and the other was American he can pass for an African-American. Well, it’s a proven fact that there’s only one way to be a real African-American—and that’s to play the saxophone. Sorry, Barack, go join a Mariachi band and maybe some day you can be Our First Latino President.

Everybody knows that Bill Clinton was Our First Black President, and they’re right. What few have noted is that in view of all he did for women and feminism he should also be recognized as our First Woman President. And as Our First Woman President this also makes him our First Transgendered President, not to mention that his affair with Monica reveals that he was also our First Lesbian President. Hillary will have many great traditions to carry on, some challenging the very limits of logical possibility.

However, let’s get back to Black. Blackface Bill was our first Black President not only because he plays the sax but because he did more for Black people—his people—than all previous presidents combined.

For example, when Blackface Bill said “the era of big government is over” he didn’t mean big military spending or big subsidies to industry were over. He meant public assistance to poor Black people was over. He managed to do what no Republican (or any mere white man for that matter) could ever do. He ended “welfare as we know it” for millions of Black folk, so that they could become more familiar than ever with poverty as we know it, poor housing as we know it, lack of health care as we know it, and bad education as we know it.

How, you may ask naively, was this doing something for Black people ? Don’t think for a moment that this should reflect badly on Bill’s Blackness. It was all done in the name of Dr. King’s Dream that proclaimed that what should count is not the color of people’s skin but the content of their character. It was all about character, all part of Bill’s “Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act.”

In other words, Blackface Bill knew that his Black Brothers and Sisters had to be responsible for helping themselves. After all, he surely wasn’t planning on doing anything about their problems. Thanks Bill, that was very Black of you ! We’re sure that Hillary will carry on this great tradition of character-building.

But that’s not all Blackface Bill did for his race. Take prisons. Johnny Cash, “The Man in Black,” was famous for his prison concerts. Somehow Bill missed his big chance to do some prison gigs with his sax and become “The Man in Blackface.” What a shame, since he did so much to create a huge potential captive audience.

In fact, nobody ever did more to bring the Brothers together—behind bars. When Bill was elected there were a little over a half-million African-Americans in prison, but by the end of his two terms it was up to almost a million. This was thanks in large part to his self-proclaimed “toughness” and his “three strikes and you’re in (forever)” policy. It became a model for tough love and character-building advocates everywhere. This was another one of Blackface Bill’s great contributions to improving the content of his people’s character. We could call it his Million Man March—to prison. Maybe Hillary can make it two million.

And finally, don’t forget Blackface Bill’s heartfelt Afrocentrism. Throughout his administration he showed his deep concern for the content of the character of the people of Africa. Let them take care of their own poverty ! Let them take care of their own genocide ! It’s good for their character. Bill worked to spread Dr. King’s Dream to his fellow Black people everywhere. And Hillary shows every sign of carrying on this compassionate, character-building, Afrocentric foreign policy.

So let’s put an end to all these nasty rumors spread by racists and Hillary-hating bigots questioning Bill’s Blackness. If anybody asks whether Blackface Bill really is Black, there’s a clear answer, and nobody said it better than Bill himself, “It depends upon what the meaning of the word is is.” That covers just about everything : black, white, and every shade of grey. It also defines the word “Clinton.”

Contact :
Max Cafard

Surregional Press Service



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